Returning Home

Yesterday my parents mentioned that I should give one of my friends a call. I haven't seen him since the day before I left on my mission. We where the best of friends since elementary school and while we wrote each other a letter or two while I was gone we never really seemed to keep in touch. I've been home three years now and have no knowledge as to what's going on in his life besides rumors and hearsay.

Why is it that we end up losing some of our best friends, the ones that we could just talk about anything and everything with no fear of judgement or criticism, and quite often even a deeper understanding of the topic after the conversation is complete?

Possibly even a more poignant question, why do we always tend to keep those that make us miserable close? Take my friend Anderson for example. She has been dating this fellow, whom I will call Unknown, for a while, broken up with him a number of times and has deleted his number from her phonebook at least twice. Yet she ends up with him again . . . Did he change? I don't think so. So why is she taking him back?

I suppose it was explained to me best from another friend. We all have an emotional bank. Deposits and withdrawals are constantly exchanged between all those we are in contact with. People can give us comfort, joy, entertainment, etc. (+ Deposits) They can also make us hurt, upset, sad, or even lonely. (- Withdrawals) Everything has a plus and a minus involved in it, even doing nothing has an exchange rate.

The exchange rate for an action is never the same from one person to the next, but we can assess our standings with the person pretty easily just by how they make deposits and withdrawals in our emotional bank.

As Anderson took and evaluation of Unknown and found him in debt she decided to cut him off before he took more and more from her bank. But she never took note of the debt he had built up for himself and so when he came back to make another withdrawal Anderson didn't take notice where it was going and fell back into the hole which Unknown had made.

Realize though, that this does not only relate to dating relationships but ALL relationships. I've always made it a goal in my life to be making deposits and avoid withdrawals whenever possible, that's one way to become a valued customer. But maybe we it's time to take a look at our relationships and decided rather we are in debt or gaining interest with those whom we love. Maybe there are those in our emotional bank that needs a receipt of their standing.