Exothermic

Conversation has always been one of those things that just evades me. I don't do stories, seldom do I actually tell a joke. My social skills thrive on the one-liners, quips, and physical expression. (This makes phone calls a difficult situation for me.) If chance comes that conversation falls on something that I actually do have a knowledge about and can add a couple of cents I'm often quite excited, though the excitement doesn't come often. It's really come to be that I am a much better listener than anything else. While listening is truly a great skill which-as I've come to discover-very few people have, talking is something that I want to actually achieve as well.

I've been aware of my inability to socialize for a long time now, been trying to understand why. It was only a short time ago that an idea finally came to me; everyone is always talking about something that they did, somewhere they went, the people they where with. They feel like they are important enough to tell others about themselves. Now, I don't suffer from depression in fact I feel that I actually have a good self esteem, but I never have quite felt that my life or anything I did was actually something another person would want to know about. The short answers where always enough for me to get my message across about my experiences, but does it really help the person get the answer to their question, or does it simply tell them that I don't WANT to tell them? So, I've been working on a new goal to become, in my own personal terms, a socialist.

Don't expect any great changes, in fact I hope to evolve oh so subtly that it will just happen, rather than "You've changed!" The frightening part is that in order to do so I will be opening myself up more to more people than I think I ever have. But according to some, that might actually be a good thing. I certainly hope it is.