I Stand Here Face to Face

I'm one of them, sure I might try to deny it, but I simply am. As far as I can tell we all seem to be. Everyone want's to think that they've got it figured out, at least a hint of it. However, I wonder if we really ever can have it in such an easy way.

There are the promptings given that we can usually be sure things are right, but then there is the hopeless romantic inside. We pass a sign, there happens to be subjects of a conversation, happenstances of a dream, that reminds us of someone or something and we start to work our interpratations of what will be in our future.

For a long time I thought I had my future pretty well figured out. Go to school, get my masters, if I do well maybe I'll leap on to a doctorate, then I spend the rest of my life studying life and maintaining existance. But then it occures to me, maybe I can't handle it, or maybe not so much of "can't" as just "don't want to".

Now the picture that I've drawn since being a child is changing. Lines that had been drawn are being erased, and not little by little, whoever is doing it holds one of those great big pink erasers that you can just run over the whole page with a few intense strokes. It is at least a little comforting to know that there is still a lot of led left in the pencil and here and there it's managed to keep a bit of the same peice of art that was the me to be, yet as I'm learning it's all tentative and that it's actually myself holding both the pencil and the eraser . . . maybe I need to use my knees to hold the paper in place so that I stop erasing the wrong parts and connecting different lines . . .

Sting

There is the concept that if you love somebody enough to let them be happy you'd be willing to let them go. Then there are the controdictions that that you can love somebody so much that you can't live without them. I suppose that every person is different and thus the way that love goes can't be written up as a chapter in a school book.

With so many variations on the theme of love are there any actual rules that must be abided? Do we just come to understand these rules or do some evade even the greatest of lovers, or maybe they all just evade me . . . ?

Also comes the question, who gave up, the one that left or the one that let go? Can the two stay together but still be appart? To set somebody free because you want them to be happy, but then keep them so close because you want to be happy as well, is that fair? to you? Keep them close enough that when the time is actually right you can just reach out and pull them back in?

2nd time's the charm

Love is a battlefeild

you all know that this is the truth. It was entertaining when my co-workers and I got on this conversation. Clint: The assistant to my boss is currently seperated from his wife who has it in her plans to devorce him. Dallin: The senior member of the crew who is going to be leaving on his mission next month and thus as interested as he may be in girls avoids them. And Me: The one guy who actually dates sometimes, but hasn't had a girlfriend or any prospects there-of for nearly a year now.

It was brought up that in the eternal war of love isn't the guys vs. the girls as much as it often is guys and girls vs. guys and girls. Friends and even brothers being interested in the same person -- a battle has begun.

Some of the sad commentary was that your battle in the war doesn't always end after marriage, as Clint is sorely comming upon. Others like Dallin and I both are comfortable with runing across the feild every now and then just to get to the other side in order to have another look and being greatfull that we're still fully intact.

Then again there are others of my friends who choose to be, for lack of a better analogy, the worriors. They might sneak out there or just run out with both guns blazing. I've seen them go out there with no real goal in mind except for the shere excitement of being out there. I've seen them charge straight at their chosen target only to be taken out by the unseen sniper. Then there are those that are just able to blow away any other competetor and keep the chosen target for themselves. Of coarse this only occures when both parties are fighting for the same thing, but when it happens there seems to be an unstoppable force which only they can contend with.

My co-workes and I all came to one final conclusion, that it's always worth it . . . ok except for Dallin who decided that he was going to wait till he got off his mission to jump in, but if it wasn't for other issues he would be joining the ranks well enough.

Nori Notes

Angels of the Innocence left me long ago
I'm hiding with the demons deep inside my soul
I search to find the beauty that will never let me go!

It's my season, it's my fall
How I dearly whish for it all!
Red in the morning do take warning
Red at night will be delight
The reddest rose no one knows
That's jus the way the story goes.