Hidden Deep Inside

I'm pretty sure that when I was a child I had the ability to draw a circle. Not an oval, or something that resembled a circle, but and actual-symmetrical circle. Since that time it's become a little more difficult for me to do. Why? I'm not completely sure, maybe if I sat down and worked at it I might be able to do it again, but it would take some practice.

There are so many things that we learned and loved as a child but have since forgotten or distorted in our minds eyes that they've become more difficult to do then they ever should have been. Seems to me that living a good-honorable life is one of those things.

When we where children we learned the black and white of the rules. Stealing is bad. Lying is bad. Saying "Thank you." always goes over well. Be polite. Eat your vegetables. (I think you get the idea.) Now it just seems like there is so much gray in which to deal with. If you're only borrowing it from you roommate and will have it back before they even notice, that's just fine. Sometimes the truth will hurt too much, so maybe I should soften it. They didn't do anything beyond what was expected, why should I thank them! I'll be nice as soon as they start being nice. Veggies are expensive :)

Does life change as we get older so that we need to attack it so differently than we did as children, or did we change life ourselves?

Hopefully I'll start doing better on all of these different things . . . especially eating my vegetables.

Never Did Thank You For That

Walls, glass shards, barking dogs, barking dogs with bees in their mouths, dogs with bees in their mouths and when they bark bees come shooting out . . . whatever.

Real-estate is expensive and we are only able to have so much. The same goes for our minds. If we spend so much time protecting that which we hold inside, slowly all that was so precious to us ends up getting pushed out to make room for more barbed wire and hidden mines.

It's never been about how much damage a loose cannon can do within us. If the artwork is durable it can handle an attack from a nuclear holocaust. Build yourself out of cast iron that's soft to the touch. Walk into a burning building without fear that you might not come out the same. If you're strong enough the embers in your skin WILL change you, only for the better and you'll become stronger against whatever forces may come. Gale force winds, earthquakes, a broken heart.

How can there be any joy found by living in the corner of a dark cement room all by yourself? Never being able to reach out and show yourself, all the while some imposter is running around with you best of friends laughing and cheering, more like mocking than anything else, at what you could-and should- be.

Before too long that imposter slowly becomes us and he's standing guard around an empty house. There's no longer anything to guard because he's the only one that's stuck around for so long, unfortunately he doesn't know what else to do because that's all he's ever done. That's what he was hired for. Old guests may come along with the proper clearance, but when they are admitted in all they see of what they remembered is covered in cobwebs and dust. So, remembering the good times they had once upon a time, they decided to talk a little with the imposter/guard only to find he IS the friend you left so long ago. Colder, darker, and less willing to grant clearance to the new fortress inside of himself.

Carry It On

It's a sign that you've lived in the cold for too long when you get excited to wear shorts, even if you can still see your breath at noon.